Fear of serious relationships in women and men

Among the specific human fears that are considered irrational (unmotivated) and are called phobias, the fear of relationships or fear of emotional attachment is singled out. At the same time, the fear of love relationships, which often dooms a person to loneliness, is defined as philophobia. [ 1 ]

Epidemiology

According to foreign sources, fear of close relationships is observed in almost 17% of people who seek psychoanalysts.

Since the late 1980s, a sociogenic syndrome of self-isolation with elements of social phobia, hikikomori, has been widespread among Japanese youth, with between 500,000 and 2 million people leading a reclusive lifestyle, refusing close relationships and limiting communication with anyone other than family members to the maximum. At the same time (according to the survey results), only 35% of married adults in Japan believe that their personal happiness is promoted by their relationship with their spouse or partner.

Causes fear of relationships

Possible causes, as well as potential risk factors for the development of this type of phobic disorder - in the form of an unreasonably exaggerated fear of relationships with someone around you - may be both a subconscious reaction to a feeling of one's own insignificance, and a consequence of the lack of family experience in sharing one's emotions and thoughts with loved ones. This happens if the parents are emotionally unstable or distant people; if there was alienation in the family atmosphere and there were no trusting relationships; when a child or teenager was deprived of personal space, and reproaches were often heard in his address, which can lead to the formation of obsessive-compulsive neurosis, a feeling of one's own vulnerability, emotional lability.

And this deep-rooted fear of closeness – emotional, and often physical – makes a person withdraw every time the relationship becomes too close and takes him out of the “emotional comfort” zone, that is, the habit of holding back or completely blocking his feelings, leading to hypothymia (a constantly bad mood), depressive disorder and even, according to some psychiatrists, to social anxiety disorder – a social phobia with increased fear and avoidance by people of social situations and communication due to a feeling of embarrassment, awkwardness and anxiety about the negative opinion of others about them. [ 2 ]

Also, emotional shocks experienced in childhood and early adolescence, associated with the loss of loved ones or separation from them, are considered the main cause of philophobia. Read more - Fear of separation from parents and fear of strangers

In order to avoid repeating mental pain (emotional trauma), a person also avoids attachments, sometimes developing avoidant personality disorder.

According to the existing theory of attachment in psychology, put forward by the British psychologist John Bowlby (1907-1990), emotional connections between people are formed on the basis of a psychological model that has a motivational system (arising in the process of natural selection) and clear behavioral features. First, long-term connections (attachments) arise between parents and children, and then this type of relationship is carried over into adulthood.

This also applies to relationships between romantic partners. Fear of serious relationships in the love sphere is interpreted by specialists as a phobia of commitment, the causes of which may lie not only in problems with attachment in childhood, the peculiarities of upbringing and personality, but also in abuse and/or unhealthy past relationships with partners.

The fear of commitment, which often extends to other aspects of life, also explains the fear of starting a relationship, especially a serious and long-term one.

In addition, fear of relationships in men can be based on the fear of being rejected (low self-esteem and self-doubt) - in the presence of experience of painful rejections, emotionally traumatic experience of past relationships (betrayal, infidelity, etc.). However, in many cases, especially in introverted individuals, a connection can be traced with such a neurological disorder as neurasthenia.

Fear or anxiety about emotional closeness with another person can develop into a fear of relationships with the opposite sex and a fear of sexual intimacy – a fear of sexual relations (erotophobia or genophobia). Byrne (1977) and his colleagues developed a conceptual framework that establishes a set of relationships between erotic stimuli, theoretical constructs, and sexual behavior. One of the main components of this theory is a type of emotional response to sexual stimuli called erotophobia-erotophilia.

Fear of sexual intimacy – fear of sex in men often develops due to psychogenic erectile dysfunction (impotence), but their feedback is not excluded. It is also possible to have dysmorphia or dysmorphomania syndrome (unreasonable dissatisfaction with one's body, exaggerated shame for it).

And the fear of sex and fear of relationships in women can be rooted in post-traumatic stress disorder and the formed syndrome of a victim of sexual violence (if there was such a thing in the patient’s history), or in the presence of an irrational fear of sexual violence (counter-phobia or agraphobia), or in the fear of all men – androphobia.

Pathogenesis

If in a normal situation fear causes a natural “fight or flight” reaction, which allows animals and humans to quickly respond to real threats, then irrational and excessive fear and anxiety are considered maladaptive reactions that occur in anxiety disorders.

Their pathogenesis, as well as the mechanisms of development of phobias, remain the subject of research. Recently, many researchers associate increased fear and anxiety with neuroendocrine problems, in particular, an imbalance of serotonin, dopamine and GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), acting on the receptors of neurotransmitters of brain structures (determining behavioral and emotional reactions), as well as increased secretion of adrenaline and cortisol, which enter the systemic bloodstream. [ 3 ]

Also read:

• Human fears
• Phobic disorders

Symptoms fear of relationships

According to experts, it is difficult for a person to track the first signs of fear of relationships. But if every time you get close to another person (including the opposite sex), you feel, as they say, uneasy, that is, you feel awkward and anxious (and often – the desire to stop communicating and leave), then it is possible that you have a fear of emotional attachment and love relationships.

In such situations, symptoms of unconscious strong fear can manifest themselves in the form of a panic attack: dry mouth and a feeling of weakness, ringing in the ears and dizziness, sweating or chills, difficulty breathing and rapid heartbeat, pain or tightness in the chest, nausea and the urge to go to the toilet. [ 4 ]

Diagnostics fear of relationships

Diagnosis of phobias and fears is associated with certain difficulties, since the person who contacts a specialist must be aware of the existence of a problem and have a desire to solve it.

To identify it, a study of the neuropsychic sphere is carried out, and in the presence of physically perceptible manifestations, a study of the autonomic nervous system is carried out.

Treatment fear of relationships

Each phobia is individual, and its treatment is also individual. It includes a course of cognitive behavioral therapy, the use of exposure therapy, which is carried out by a psychotherapist to overcome fear and anxiety, as well as hypnotherapy.

In addition to psychotherapy, various relaxation techniques and sets of physical exercises are used to help you relax and control your breathing.

Benzodiazepines may be prescribed to relieve symptoms of increased anxiety, severe fear and panic attacks. Antidepressants are used for depressive states.

A qualified sexologist who conducts individual sessions of psychosexual therapy knows how to cure the fear of sexual relations. [ 5 ]

Prevention

Special methods for preventing fear of relationships have not been developed.

Forecast

It is not always possible to get rid of the fear of relationships, which has various etiologies, so experts do not give predictions.