Fear of a serious relationship in women and men

Among the specific human fears that are considered irrational (unmotivated) and called phobias, there is a fear of relationships or a fear of emotional attachment. At the same time, the fear of love relationships, which often dooms a person to loneliness, is defined as philophobia. [1]

Epidemiology

According to foreign sources, the fear of close relationships is noted in almost 17% of people who turn to psychoanalysts.

And since the late 1980s, a sociogenic syndrome of self-isolation with elements of social phobia has been widespread among Japanese youth -  hikikomori , in which from 500 thousand to 2 million people lead a reclusive lifestyle with the rejection of close relationships and the maximum restriction of communication with anyone other than family members. Yet (according to the survey results), only 35% of married adults in Japan believe that their relationship with their spouse or partner contributes to their personal happiness.

Causes of the fear of relationships

Possible causes, as well as potential risk factors for the development of this type of  phobic disorder  - in the form of an unjustifiably exaggerated fear of relationships with someone from others - can be both a subconscious reaction to a sense of one's own insignificance, and a consequence of the lack of family experience to share one's emotions with loved ones and thoughts. This happens if the parents are emotionally unstable or distant people; if alienation reigned in the family atmosphere and there were no trusting relationships; when a child or teenager was deprived of personal space, and reproaches were often heard against him, which can lead to the formation  of obsessive-compulsive disorder , feelings of vulnerability,  emotional lability . 

And this deep-rooted fear of intimacy – emotional and often physical – causes a person to step back every time the relationship becomes too close and takes him out of his “emotional comfort zone”, that is, the habit of holding back or completely blocking his feelings, leading to  hypothymia  (constantly bad mood),  depressive disorder  , and even, according to some psychiatrists, social anxiety disorder - a  social phobia  with increased fear and avoidance by people of social situations and communication due to feelings of embarrassment, awkwardness and anxiety about the negative opinion of others about them. [2]

Also experienced in childhood and early adolescence, emotional upheavals associated with the loss of loved ones or parting with them are considered the main cause of philophobia. Read more -  Fear of parting with parents and fear of strangers 

Avoiding a repetition of heartache (emotional trauma) a person avoids attachments, sometimes with the development of avoidant personality disorder.

According to the theory of attachment in psychology, put forward by the British psychologist John Bowlby (John Bowlby, 1907-1990), emotional bonds between people are formed on the basis of a psychological model that has a motivational system (which arose in the process of natural selection) and clear behavioral features. First, long-term bonds (attachments) arise between parents and children, and then this way of relationship is transferred into adulthood.

This also applies to relationships between romantic partners. Fear of serious relationships in the love sphere is interpreted by experts as a phobia of commitment, the causes of which may lie not only in problems with attachment in childhood, the characteristics of upbringing and personality, but also in abuse and / or unhealthy past relationships with partners.

The fear of commitment, which often extends to other aspects of life, also explains the fear of starting a relationship, especially serious and long-term ones.

In addition, the fear of relationships in men can be based on the fear of being rejected (low self-esteem and self-doubt) - if there is an experience of painful rejections, emotionally traumatic experience of past relationships (betrayal, infidelity, etc.). However, in many cases, especially in introverted personalities, there can be a connection with such a neurological disorder as  neurasthenia .

Fear or anxiety about emotional intimacy with another person can develop into fear of relationships with the opposite sex and fear of sexual intimacy - fear of sexual relations (eroto- or genophobia). Byrne (1977) and colleagues developed a conceptual framework that establishes a set of relationships between erotic stimuli, theoretical constructs, and sexual behavior. One of the main components of this theory is a type of emotional response to sexual stimuli called erotophobia-erotophilia.

Fear of sexual intimacy -  fear of sex  in men often develops due to psychogenic erectile dysfunction (impotence), but their feedback is not excluded. It is also possible to have dysmorphia or  dysmorphomania syndrome  (unreasonable dissatisfaction with one's body, exaggerated shame for it).

And the fear of sex and fear of relationships in women can be rooted in post-traumatic stress disorder and the formed syndrome of the victim of sexual violence (if there was one in the history of patients), or in the presence of an irrational fear of sexual violence (countreltophobia or agraphobia), or in fear of all men - androphobia.

Pathogenesis

If in a normal situation fear causes a natural fight-or-flight response that allows animals and humans to quickly respond to real threats, then irrational and excessive fear and fear are considered maladaptive reactions that occur in anxiety disorders.

Their pathogenesis, as well as the mechanisms of development of phobias, remain the subject of research. Recently, many researchers have associated increased fear and fear with neuroendocrine problems, in particular, an imbalance of serotonin, dopamine and GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), acting on neurotransmitter receptors of brain structures (determining behavioral and emotional reactions), as well as increased secretion of adrenaline. And cortisol, which enter the systemic circulation. [3]

Also read:

• Man's fears
• Phobic disorders

Symptoms of the fear of relationships

According to experts, the first signs of fear of relationships are difficult for a person to trace. But if every time there is a rapprochement with another person (including the opposite sex), you feel, as they say, uncomfortable, that is, there is a feeling of awkwardness and anxiety (and often a desire to stop communicating and leave), then the presence of fear of emotional attachment and love relationships is not excluded.

In such situations, the symptoms of unconscious intense fear can manifest as a panic attack: dry mouth and feeling weak, ringing in the ears and dizziness, sweating or chills, difficulty breathing and rapid heartbeat, pain or tightness in the chest, nausea and the urge to go to the toilet. [4]

Diagnostics of the fear of relationships

Diagnosis  of phobias and fears  is associated with certain difficulties, since a person who has contacted a specialist must be aware of the existence of a problem and have a desire to solve it.

To identify it, a  study of the neuropsychic sphere is carried out , and in the presence of physically perceptible manifestations, a  study of the autonomic nervous system .

Treatment of the fear of relationships

Each phobia is individual, and so is its treatment. It includes a course of cognitive behavioral therapy, the use of exposure therapy, which is carried out by a  psychotherapist  to overcome fear and fear, and hypnotherapy.

In addition to psychotherapy, various relaxation techniques and sets of physical exercises are used to help you relax and control your breathing.

To relieve symptoms of increased anxiety, severe fear and panic attacks,  benzodiazepines may be prescribed . In depression,  antidepressants are used .

And how to cure the fear of sexual relations, knows a qualified  sex therapist who conducts individual sessions of psychosexual therapy. [5]

Prevention

Special methods for the prevention of fear of relationships have not been developed.

Forecast

It is not always possible to get rid of the fear of relationships that have a different etiology, so experts do not give predictions.