Fear of parting with parents and fear of outsiders
Last reviewed: 23.04.2024
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Fear of separation from parents
Fear of separation is manifested by the crying of the child, when the parents leave the room. Usually begins at the age of 8 months, peak intensity reaches between 10 and 18 months, disappears, as a rule, to 24 months. One must distinguish the fear of separation from anxiety disorder with the fear of separation, which occurs later, at an age when such reactions do not correspond to the development of the child; a frequent manifestation is the refusal to go to school.
Fear of separation occurs at an age when the child has an emotional attachment to the parents. At this age, children are afraid that their parents have disappeared forever. Fear of separation goes with the development of memory and he can remember the images of parents in their absence, and remembers that parents can return.
Parents should be advised not to avoid separation due to fear of separation from the child; this can disrupt its formation and development. When parents leave the house (or leave the child in the children's center), they should ask the person with whom they leave the child to divert his attention. Then the parents must go to a distance, not responding to the cry of the child. Parents should remain calm and confident and work out a ritual of separation in order to alleviate the anxiety of the child. If parents need to urgently go to another room, they should periodically call the child, while in another room to calm the baby. This gradually accustoms the child to the idea that the parents are still there, even if they are not visible. Fear of separation can be more pronounced if the child is hungry or tired, so before going you can feed him and put him to bed.
Fear of separation at a typical age does not entail harm to the child in the future. Fear of separation, which persists over the age of 2, may be a problem, depending on the extent to which it affects the development of the child. It is normal for a child to feel some fear before visiting a kindergarten or preparatory preschool groups. This feeling must disappear with time. Sometimes a strong separation frustration prevents the child from attending a children's center or kindergarten, and also keeps him from participating in peer games. Such fear, perhaps, is not a normal phenomenon (anxiety disorder with fear of separation). In this case, parents should seek medical help.
Fear of outsiders
The fear of outsiders is manifested by crying at the appearance of strangers. Usually it starts at the age of 8-9 months and decreases to two years. The fear of outsiders is related to the manifestation of the function to distinguish the familiar from the stranger. The duration and intensity of this fear varies considerably among different children.
Some children of the first three years of life are beginning to give preference to one of the parents, grandparents and suddenly begin to be perceived by strangers. Knowing and waiting for such reactions while visiting a healthy child doctor helps to correctly interpret his behavior. As a rule, you just need to calm the child and avoid excessive excitement.
The attitude to these fears must meet the requirements of common sense. If a new nanny comes, it makes sense for parents to spend some time together with her and the child. On the day when you first need to leave your child with a new nanny, you should spend some time with her and your child before you leave. If a child during the absence of parents for a few days will be looking after grandparents, it is better that they arrived 1-2 days earlier. Similar tactics can be applied before hospitalization.
A sharply expressed or prolonged fear of outsiders may be a manifestation of a more generalized anxiety and indicates the need for assessing the family climate, parental skills, and the overall emotional status of the child.
