Fear of separation from parents and fear of strangers

Fear of separation from parents

Separation anxiety is characterized by the child crying when the parents leave the room. It usually begins at 8 months, reaches its peak intensity between 10 and 18 months, and usually disappears by 24 months. Separation anxiety should be distinguished from separation anxiety disorder, which occurs later, at an age when such reactions are not developmentally appropriate; a common manifestation is refusal to go to school.

Separation anxiety occurs at the age when a child forms an emotional attachment to his parents. At this age, children fear that their parents have disappeared forever. Separation anxiety passes with the development of memory and he can remember the images of parents in their absence, and remembers that parents can return.

Parents should be advised not to avoid separation anxiety because of their child’s separation anxiety; this can disrupt their development. When parents leave the house (or leave the child at a child care center), they should ask the person they are leaving the child with to distract the child. The parents should then walk away without responding to the child’s cries. Parents should remain calm and confident and develop a separation ritual to ease the child’s anxiety. If parents need to go to another room urgently, they should call out to the child periodically from the other room to reassure the child. This will gradually accustom the child to the idea that the parents are still there, even if they are not visible. Separation anxiety may be more pronounced if the child is hungry or tired, so feeding and putting the child to bed before leaving may be helpful.

Separation anxiety at the appropriate age does not cause harm to the child later in life. Separation anxiety that persists past age 2 may be a problem depending on the extent to which it affects the child's development. It is normal for a child to feel some fear before going to daycare or preschool. This feeling should go away with time. Sometimes, severe separation anxiety prevents the child from attending a child care center or preschool, or from participating in play with peers. This fear may not be normal (separation anxiety disorder). In this case, parents should seek medical help.

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Fear of strangers

Fear of strangers manifests itself in crying when unfamiliar people appear. This usually begins at the age of 8-9 months and decreases by two years. Fear of strangers is associated with the manifestation of the function of distinguishing the familiar from the unfamiliar. The duration and intensity of this fear varies significantly among different children.

Some children in the first three years of life begin to show preference for one of their parents, grandparents may suddenly begin to be perceived as strangers. Knowing and expecting such reactions during a visit to the doctor by a healthy child helps to correctly interpret his behavior. As a rule, it is only necessary to calm the child down and avoid excessive excitement.

The attitude towards these fears should meet the requirements of common sense. If a new nanny is coming, it makes sense for parents to spend some time with her and the child in advance. On the day when you first have to leave your child with a new nanny, before leaving, it is worth spending some time with her and the child. If grandparents are going to look after the child during the parents' absence for several days, it is better for them to arrive 1-2 days earlier. A similar tactic can be used before hospitalization.

A severe or prolonged fear of strangers may be a manifestation of more generalized anxiety and indicates the need to assess the family climate, parenting skills, and the child's general emotional status.