Old maid syndrome

Probably, everyone is familiar with the concept of "old maid" - this is how a girl who has not married for a long time has been called since ancient times. After all, according to the unspoken stereotype, by the age of 25 any woman should have already had a family. However, some girls predetermine their fate in advance - the old maid syndrome can develop at 20, and even at 18 years old, and this is caused by certain reasons and a combination of circumstances. And in this case, an old maid is no longer just a concept, but a real diagnosis.

Epidemiology

Unfortunately, there are no statistics on the number of old maids in our country, and especially those who suffer from old maid syndrome. It can be said that if previously an old maid was considered any girl who did not find a husband by the age of 25, now this approach to the issue is considered morally outdated. Women are increasingly getting married around 30 and even later, preferring to first build a career and gain more or less stable material wealth.

Nowadays, it is customary to call a girl an old maid without three components:

• husband;
• children;
• sex.

That is, an old maid is now commonly used to refer to a virgin who continues to live alone, even despite her age.

If we talk about the old maid syndrome, then the root of the problem lies much deeper - after all, a woman may not want to get married, since she is probably satisfied with the current state of affairs. In this matter, our domestic statistics are doing well: according to the information received, old maids seek help from psychologists much more often, suffer from neuroses and depression more often, and, unfortunately, die earlier than their married friends.

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Causes of old maid syndrome

The following reasons may lead to the development of old maid syndrome:

• Excessive demands on male representatives (the so-called “search for a prince on a white horse”).
• Fear of responsibility for another person.
• Unsuccessful "first love".
• Over-inflated self-esteem: the girl's opinion that she deserves better in any case.
• Low self-esteem: the girl believes that she is unworthy of being loved, or is too bad to be loved.
• Isolation, lack of social adaptation, tendency to spend time alone.
• A tendency to discuss and condemn friends and acquaintances who often change boyfriends.
• Unacceptability of other people's smells and things; disgust.
• Inadequate attitude towards male compliments and courtship.
• Lack of initiative in meeting people and communicating.
• Disgust or an exaggerated sense of shame in relation to sexual contacts.

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Risk factors

Often, "old maids" are the result of improper upbringing, an incorrectly interpreted family model. After all, it is not uncommon for "caring" mothers to raise and bring up their daughter "for themselves", rejecting all suitors and admirers - so much so that the girl begins to hate all men at once in advance.

Sometimes the absence of a husband and sexual partner is explained by a negative attitude towards men, which was formed in childhood. For example, if there was no father in the family, or the mother set the child against him, then in the future the girl may subconsciously avoid relationships with men.

The third common factor that can lead to the development of the old maid syndrome is the desire for career growth. It would seem that there is nothing wrong with being a successful woman, in demand in her professional field. However, the pursuit of self-affirmation and financial well-being can lead to the fact that over time, the presence of a man nearby simply disappears.

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Symptoms of old maid syndrome

Experts insist that it is best to lose your virginity between the ages of 19 and 21. Otherwise, unpleasant consequences may develop:

• inhibition of sensuality and emotionality;
• psychological problems in the form of loneliness and one’s own “uselessness”.

If a girl does not lose her virginity at an earlier age, then later she usually begins to hide this fact. She becomes ashamed and embarrassed when someone finds out about this problem. Therefore, such a girl prefers to be alone than to become the object of jokes and receive unkind comments addressed to her.

In this regard, a number of “late” consequences of the old maid syndrome can be identified:

• isolation from society;
• loneliness;
• chronic depressive states;
• loss of interest in life;
• gynecological problems;
• a state of constant and prolonged stress.

Often, a consultation with a psychologist can help overcome the problem and prevent unpleasant consequences. It is even better to undergo a course of treatment for old maid syndrome with a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Prevention

In order not to be afraid of the emergence of the old maid syndrome, you do not need to immediately rush into searching for new acquaintances. For a start, it is advisable to listen to the following advice:

• Try to look at yourself from the outside: your appearance, your clothes, your posture, your facial expression. Will a man like you? Perhaps you need to change something?
• Pay attention to your mood: get rid of irritability, anger, hatred, rage. Remember: no one owes you anything, and you don't owe anything. Smile, and you will certainly get a smile in return.
• An important secret of a real woman: if you have problems or are dissatisfied with something, never show it, under any circumstances.
• Don't forget about coquetry and don't neglect it. Just don't confuse real coquetry with obsession.
• Don't take any man who approaches you as a potential husband. Be simpler and just communicate.
• There is no need to be afraid of relationships with men: everyone makes mistakes. Your task is to draw the appropriate conclusions in time and move on.
• If you think that you don't need a man, this is not a reason to avoid communicating with the male sex. Sexual attraction has not been cancelled yet.
• Remember, you are not an old maid, but a free woman. Learn this concept, and life will become much easier.

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Forecast

If you do not withdraw into yourself and do not avoid communicating with men, then the prognosis for the old maid syndrome can be favorable. Many who are waiting for the arrival of the prince do meet him. However, for this, it is not enough to sit at home and reread the fairy tale about the scarlet sails. Communicate, participate in public life, be interested in the affairs of others, play team sports - in a word, live a full life. And, most importantly, do not be afraid to admit to yourself that you have a problem - and there is always a way out of the situation.

Old maid syndrome is a psychological term, so don't distance yourself. If you feel that you can't cope on your own, don't hesitate to contact a psychologist.