Fear of children

We are subject to various phobias, most of which are associated with fear for our lives and health. The fear of darkness, heights, water, crowds, enclosed spaces, dogs, spiders, snakes is widely known. They are understandable from the point of view of common sense, because they carry an element of danger - to fall, drown, get hurt, to be bitten. Pedophobia or fear of children is not associated with a direct threat to our health. Some are afraid of their own paternity and motherhood, others are trying to avoid communicating with children in general, for others - even the appearance of an abandoned toy causes panic. This phobia is considered widespread in the modern world. It is enough to recall the childfree movement, although perhaps most of its followers are not led by fear, but by egoism.

Causes of the fear of children

So, children alone, especially strangers, do not pose an immediate danger to the health of others. They can be noisy and intrusive, but normally it can cause some rejection, even irritation (not all children are loving), but not at the height of a phobia. If only one type of child causes fear and an irresistible desire to avoid contact, then this is already a pathology. Why is this happening?

Phobic disorder develops in different people for various reasons. We all come from childhood, and often at an early age our fears form. The impetus for the appearance of pedophobia could be the appearance of a new child in the family. Previously, all attention was paid to the eldest offspring, and with the advent of the baby, the first child abruptly became “big” and deprived of attention: he now visits his grandmother for a long time, he can be moved to another bed or even in a separate room, and the baby lives with his mother and so on. Of course, most children come out of this situation without psychological losses, in this situation a lot depends on the parents and the psychotype of the child. But some develop a persistent hostility to the younger, and it has to be hidden, since it is condemned by all. The child’s resentment flashes over the edge and there is an opinion that in the future it can result not only in pedophobia, but also in pedophilia, which is even worse. [1]

Excessive love and hyper concern for the well-being of a single child can also crystallize into pedophobia. The "little idol" of the family does not tolerate competition and does not understand that some particles of attention that its parents give to outside children are caused by simple politeness. He forms aversion to other children, especially toddlers, which develops into a fear of them.

The cause of pedophobia in adults can be the birth of a baby. If the parents did not plan the appearance of the baby, and everything happened by itself, then the burden of worries that fell on them with the birth of a new family member may be unbearable. Parents are not always ready to give up their usual and comfortable way of life, and the child requires constant care. This is a lot of work that not all parents are ready for, and this can lead to the development of fear of the child.

It is believed that pedophobia may be the result of a disorder of attraction - pedophilia. It is pedophiles, among which mainly men, who are afraid to communicate with children, so as not to break loose and not commit an illegal action. Indeed, in society, the sexual harassment of a minor is prosecuted by law, and even among people who have broken the law, pedophiles are not popular. So in this case, the fear of children is fully justified and logically explainable.

Other risk factors are also called: fear of responsibility, restriction of one’s freedom, material restrictions, changes in appearance due to pregnancy (more often it bothers women, however, it can also worry men), fear of childbirth (in women whose mothers survived a difficult birth and were repeatedly frightened colorfully daughter with these stories), unwillingness to share the wife’s attention with the child (in men). There may be other reasons, they are usually “pulled out” by a competent psychotherapist during classes with a patient suffering from pedophobia.

The pathogenesis of any phobia is based on some kind of psycho-traumatic event that caused the individual’s rejection, but with which he had to put up with. In addition, a hereditary predisposition plays a role, so to speak, special sensitivity, the ability to acutely perceive events. The mere expectation of a traumatic factor causes the patient a disturbing feeling, sometimes at the height of a panic attack. Understanding by patients of the irrationality of their fear does not lead to deliverance from it.

Statistics say that only 23% of people with phobias seek help. The rest live with them all their lives and somehow cope. A great many phobias, their list takes more than one page. In none of the ratings reviewed is the fear of children included in the top ten most common fears, however, it has a place to be. True, it is necessary to distinguish between fear at the height of phobias and unwillingness to have their own children, dictated by pragmatic egoism.

Symptoms of the fear of children

Pedophobia is a pathological fear, a disease, the first signs of which can manifest at different ages and are expressed differently, depending on the stress factor that triggered this disorder.

Children are more direct, their fear of other children can be expressed by whims, obvious resistance to persuading them to play with them, adults usually cope with fear, hide it inland and just try to avoid contact, do not come to friends to visit companies where children can be with kids. However, the psycho-emotional state is not always able to be controlled, a person can become isolated in himself, show irritability, and sometimes direct aggression. This is especially possible under the influence of alcohol. Phobias are always accompanied by somatic symptoms. This can be dizziness, weakness, lack of air, tachycardia, salivation, hyperhidrosis and even fainting when looking at children. Having seen the child in the room, the pedophobe tries to sit away from him, on the street - to bypass. The main companions of fear of children, as with other phobias, are bad mood, depression, isolation, panic attacks, irritability and anger when direct contact cannot be avoided.

It is believed that women, as more emotional representatives of the human race, are prone to splashing out their emotions, which leads to subsequent calming. Men are ordered to be restrained, so they lock themselves in, urinate and endure for a long time, which can lead to an unexpected surge of emotions and even physical impact on the object of irritation.

Phobias may have differences regarding the age or gender of the child. For example, fear of small children, even infants, is often found. People are simply afraid to go up to them, take a look, pick them up. Older children, already more independent, do not cause such horror in them.

Fear of children coming from infancy also happens, sometimes in one of the parents, sometimes in both. Parents exist with the child in a parallel plane, try not to touch him or annoy him again, they are afraid to punish him for disobedience, to refuse the child to buy a new toy or gadget, so as not to be nervous and not worry themselves with his acute reaction to the refusal, criticism or remark. They know that the reaction will be - the kids will cry or scream, the older children - will demand and get angry. Parents, not feeling able to cope with the situation, stop raising their children, fulfill their demands and ignore their antics in order to rid themselves of negative emotions. Such defeatist behavior of parents is the basis for the development of pedophobia in them.

Its variety is the fear of adolescents (geophobia). They are noisy, aggressive, trying to defend their independence. Older people are often afraid of them, and even their own parents often try not to get involved. [2]

Sometimes people are afraid not so much of the children themselves as of their actions. This applies to children's crying and tantrums, noise and screaming, mobility and the associated possibility of injury in the eyes of this adult. Acoustophophobia or fear of loud sounds in a child often develops already in infancy, he is usually afraid of new sounds associated with an imaginary danger. As you grow older and become familiar with the sound source, such a phobia usually disappears. Therefore, if an adult turns pale and tries to avoid children's screams, it is more likely that such a phobia really refers not only to the sound itself, but to its source.

The possibility of getting injured during active games in children is really quite real, but the reaction of adults can be different. It’s normal to explain, warn, secure, and if an adult panics when a child rolls on a swing, it’s closer to traumatic phobia.

Fear of giving birth to a sick child occurs in many parents, especially mothers. In general, nobody wants this, and everyone has such a probability. It’s just that most do not get hung up on this, try to spend nine months of pregnancy so as not to harm the developing baby, follow the recommendations of their doctor and expect a successful outcome.

But some develop phobia - in this case, anxiety manifests itself vividly, with the presence of somatic autonomic disorders. This is a pathology. It refers more likely to fear of suffering (pathophobia) or fear of heredity (patriophobia), if there is a precedent. However, sometimes such fear leads to the development of a persistent fear of having children in general.

In addition, people are often not so much afraid as they do not want to have children, because they will interfere with them and force them to change their whole way of life. That is their right. The ideology of childfree unites such people, but not only pedophobes belong to them, although this line of life is very suitable for them. Westerners classify such people as childhate (those who hate children), the other group is those who treat children quite normally, however, they don’t want to spend their time and resources on raising them, who just feel good without children, who came to this idea consciously. By the way, it is they who, having enjoyed freedom, sometimes change their minds and become parents after six to ten years.

Complications and consequences

For others, the fear of children is not dangerous and often not even noticeable. They may note that a certain person does not suffer from excessive childishness and that’s all.

But on the state of health of a phobia sufferer, it affects negatively. Frequent vegetative crises that accompany the influx of fear and panic attacks lead to destabilization of the cardiovascular system, which increases the risk of ischemic processes and their acute manifestations: coronary syndrome, heart attack, stroke, and also negatively affect the functioning of the central nervous system and can cause neurosis, anxiety disorder, depression.

In women, pedophobia can cause psychogenic infertility. A marriage concluded with a pedophobe is doomed, especially if the second spouse actively wants a child.

The presence of phobia and a depressed state is a good background for the development of psychological dependence on alcohol, drugs, psychotropic medicines. The development against the background of a phobia of a mental disorder can have negative consequences not only for the patient, but also for his relatives.

Any phobia negatively affects the state of health and prevents a person from leading a full life. Usually he understands that his fear is irrational, but he cannot do anything with himself. There is only one way out - he will turn to a psychotherapist for help.

Diagnostics of the fear of children

When diagnosing a phobia, the doctor is guided by the patient's complaints and his anamnesis.

Differential diagnosis may be required if there is a suspicion of a serious mental disorder or somatic disease. In this case, in order to confirm or exclude suspicion, different types of examinations may be prescribed at the discretion of the doctor.

Treatment of the fear of children

You can try to overcome the fear of children on their own. Phobias can be controlled. To do this, experts advise to study a subject that causes fear from all points of view. Children are not a threat, they are harmless, and even their petty pranks can be taken quite calmly, just remember your childhood.

The next step is to relax when you are in terror. In this case, it is also necessary not to succumb to fear, focus on breathing, present a situation that is pleasant for you. A massage, yoga or swimming course helps to relax.

Still, you need to accustom yourself to look at an object that causes fear. First, it is recommended to consider pictures and photographs with the image of children, then films about children, then proceed to direct communication.

In parallel, you can practice auto-training, meditation techniques, breathing exercises. Moreover, independent work is not excluded when visiting a therapist. True, in this case, he will give recommendations for additional classes.

Not everyone can get rid of phobias on their own. Then the help of a therapist is needed. A specialist usually needs only one introductory conversation with the patient to diagnose a phobic disorder and even bring out the cause.

For treatment, the method of cognitive-behavioral therapy is used. It consists in the fact that in the conversation the therapist attentively listens to the patient and corrects his conclusions, suggests a line of behavior and response to objects that cause fear.

Neurolinguistic programming is also used, which changes the patient's attitude to the events of past years, which served as an impetus to the development of phobia.

The method of gestalt therapy allows you to get rid of the influence of negative emotions and change them to positive phobias in relation to the object.

In difficult cases, hypnosis can help. Sometimes the patient is prescribed sedatives that do not eliminate the cause of the phobia, but relieve vegetative symptoms - reduce pressure, normalize sleep, and eliminate tachycardia. Drug therapy is necessarily used in combination with psychotherapy, because the fear of children is hidden deep in the subconscious, only drug treatment can not do here. [3], [4]

Prevention

It is not easy to prevent the development of phobias, the factors that cause them are very different. But a strong body with a good immune system usually copes with stress and traumatic situations.

Prevention of relapse after treatment can also be called a healthy lifestyle, the presence of friends and favorite activities, the absence of stress and more positive.

Forecast

Fear of children does not pose an immediate threat to life, but it reduces its quality. Modern methods of psychotherapy allow in most cases, if you do not completely defeat your fears, then at least learn to control them. Without treatment, the situation can go quite far, and a serious nervous breakdown will have to be treated, so it is better not to delay time and seek professional help.