Childhood fears

Children's fears - this is a fairly common phenomenon, which is considered temporary, transient with age. However, the undetected, hidden and subdued childish fear in adult life can turn into a neurosis and even psychosomatic problems.

Often parents are concerned about the anxious state of mind of their children, especially if they are children's fears. The most important problem in this situation is how to deal with fears? Many believe that you can overcome fear only independently, namely, turn to face fear, and look into his eyes. And they tried to follow their own advice? An adult is hard to overcome fear in himself, then, what can we say about children !? Children need help from their families, possibly a specialist's consultation. Some parents give up the idea of practicing with a psychologist, considering it an unnecessary waste of time. No one is going to challenge any parent decision, especially since everyone is in charge of their child. But, you can try, what to lose: an hour of time? There is another equally common type of people who solve similar questions with the help of prayers and conspiracies. Faith is, of course, good. But sometimes, especially when it comes to children, you need to come down from heaven, and take real help from a person with education and experience working with children.

What causes childish fears?

• The real reason, the case, the situation (animal bite, fall from the hill, burn). Emotions are completely justified and require discharge. Parents need support, understanding, and not sharpening the situation (you will not obey, you will fall again). 
• Suggestion. The source of fears are adults who tirelessly for educational purposes fix an anxious reaction, overgrowing fear. The child has not fallen yet, and has not even run, but his careful mother warns him - you will run, you will fall and you will break your head. If a mother has developed a fantasy, she will certainly continue her suggestion with descriptions of all possible consequences of the fall. These are just the reasons for future adult failures and neurotic reactions. 
• Fantasies. A stormy and developed imagination can lead a child into the wilds of fear quite quickly. Careful parents are required in such cases to understand, support and share a leisurely study of what scares the child. 
• Family conflicts. The child still does not know how to differentiate and understand the causes of quarrels. Often he unconsciously believes himself to be the culprit of disputes between mom and dad. Anxiety is transformed into childish fears. In these situations, the help of a family psychologist is required. 
• Neurosis and borderline mental states. These cases require the help of a psychiatrist.

Children's fears associated with a sense of loneliness: what is conditioned and how to eliminate them?

This type of fear is characteristic of children who are too attached to their parents. If they are not around, the child feels abandoned and forgotten. In addition, kids are afraid of loneliness during a thunderstorm or in the process of watching a scary movie. But, whatever the reason, the child always seeks protection from the family.

There is no point in remaking the child. It is enough to let him know that he is necessary and beloved. Solve the problem with simple games.

Peekaboo. So every child loves to have fun. In addition, it is useful that the baby remains alone in the search process and is not afraid of it.

You can build a joint house. It does not matter what it will be: from cardboard boxes, from blankets and pillows or is designed at a professional level. The main thing is that it should be a "fortress", where you can hide from adversity, initially with your mother, and then yourself.

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So, let's consider children's fears in more detail

Fear is one of the varieties of an emotional state that can be analyzed as a protective function of the subconscious mind for a particular situation.

"Big kids are big bucks" the same can be said about fears, over the years children are getting more and more information, and the fear of the unknown is growing, namely: 

• the seven-month-old kid is frightened when the mother is not around, 
• reaching eight months of age, a child in the circle of people close to him feels protected, but, strangers cause a sense of fear, 
• in 2 years the child is characterized by more "adult" fears - darkness, which can be detected in nightmares,
• in 3 years children's fears can be related to animals, 
• to 4 years of life there can appear a whole complex of fears: "babai", an open reservoir or open (enclosed) space, insects and so on, 
• Preschoolers and junior schoolchildren may experience fear of death, 
• a little later the child begins to frighten the unknown.

Children tend to be afraid of many things - darkness, aggressive animals, loneliness. If the parents and the surrounding family members are able to respond to the child's reaction correctly, help him cope with emotions, childhood fears, especially the early ones, go away without a trace. If the child reacts to the most typical, safe situations and objects painfully, for a long time, it speaks about internal and external, seminal problems - the weak nervous system of the baby, conflicts in the family, inadequate behavior of parents and improper education. As a rule, the culprit is, albeit unconsciously, the parents themselves, who frighten the kid with "babajami" for educational purposes. Not the best option, when the mother uses the manipulative method "you will not obey, I will leave you" and so on. Often even a joint film viewing, for adults that does not seem terrible, for a small child becomes a powerful impression that a mild child's psyche can not cope with. For a child, childish fears become a regulator of his reaction, and then behavior. Unlike normal fear, relieving from a real threat (inattention - falling, hot iron - it hurts), intimidation for future use, without real necessity forms at least insecurity and anxiety, at least neurotic reactions up to stuttering and enuresis.

What kinds of children's fears?

Children's fears can be grouped into the following categories: 

• Obsessive (obsessive) childhood fears are caused by a recurring situation, a meeting with a particular object, object. It is the fear of certain animals, heights, in front of a particular person. 
• Delirious childish fears, requiring the help of a specialist - child psychologist, psychiatrist. This is a serious symptom of a possible deviation of the psyche, manifested in the fear of playing with an innocuous toy, in front of a familiar garment, a tableware or food, to speak a word. The doctor will help differentiate the symptoms, exclude the development of mental pathology. Perhaps, the emotion of the child is associated with a psychological trauma, which the child is unable to react in another way, or to explain. 
• Fixed, fantasy childhood fears. This is the most common form and the most favorable in terms of psychological therapy. The overestimacy of such fear is explained by the consolidation of an emotion once caused, when the child literally fixes on the experience. This is the fear of dark rooms, in which, according to the child's imagination, monsters, fairy-tale characters, ghosts can hide. Also to such species is the fear of water elements, noise, fire, thunderstorms. In a word, as a rule, these are childish fears associated with the elements, and not with specific objects or situations. Such a reaction can be considered normal as a fear of suspense, if childhood fears do not grow into neurotic states.

Nightmares - a normal phenomenon or real childish fears?

If a terrible dream has dreamed 1 time, then this is normal, because a child could watch a cartoon with monsters. But in the case of systematic nightmares, then this is really a problem. Most often, this problem is due to the difficult situation in the family: divorce, disputes, fights and so on. But there are other options: -

Be eaten in a dream - in real life the child is subject to excessive criticism. In this case, the child understands that they want to re-educate him. And this in the adult language sounds like a recycled material, obtained from spoiled material. This is how the child perceives himself. You do not need to change it, it must be sent; -

Run away from someone in a dream indicates that someone takes his energy! The environment of the child should also be monitored. Everyone knows that every child is different. There are children who try to humiliate another child in order to stand out from the crowd and be the best. And there are children who are morally oppressed by such behavior, and they try to escape, hide even in a dream. You can not turn a blind eye to such things! Should identify the offender!

As additional help to combat nightmares use children's games and make compromises:

• let the child display his fear on a piece of paper. Thus, the object of a nightmare will not be so evil and scary. And if this pattern is crumpled and torn, as a symbol of that with bad dreams finished, for the child will serve as a clear relief,
• "We sleep with light"! Do not wean the child out of the world, if nightmares are caused by darkness. Because of the rich imagination, children's fears are often born in the dark. It is possible to try a usual lamp to replace a night lamp, but only if the child does not mind.

As a rule, parents themselves solve the problem of fears with their children. But if children's fears do not give a normal life and they can not be overcome, then going to a psychologist is the right decision!

How to treat children's fears?

Children's fears are supervised in many ways, the best of which is the attentive attitude of the parents and their love. In addition, art therapy is very effective in combating children's fears, when the child seems to throw emotions out in the paints, pencil or plasticine. Also effective are sand therapy, the method of theatrical performances, fairy tale therapy. Identify the species, specify the etiology (cause) and choose how to treat children's fears will help a qualified specialist.

How to solve the problem, tangential fears?

Most often, parents themselves are guilty of the existence of fears. For example, excessive care or vice versa, a lot of freedom and independent action; strict, and sometimes cruel manner of education; wrong way of life (alcohol, frequent change of partners, etc.). Children - although children, but they all see and understand. So, let's see how this can affect the formation of fears, and how to deal with it!

Situation 1 (for example): the parent scolds the child using threats, let's say "you will not do so, I'll give it to a boarding school". The child already understands that the boarding school is evil. That is, until the child's consciousness comes that the parents are ready for not obedience to get rid of it, especially since they will not give it to a "good fairy", but to an evil building called "boarding school". In this situation, the "boarding school" is a purely figurative expression, each parent has his own focus, someone replaces him with "evil uncle", someone - "baba" and so on.

Decision 1: the child should show positive aspects in obedience or a certain benefit. Remember yourself as a child: how did you react to bans or orders from your parents? If the child is naughty and does not want, for example, to fold toys, do not scare "uncle" or someone else, it should be explained that each thing has its place. Here you can compare with the cartoons, explaining to the child that every super hero in the room has order.

Situation 2: it's clear that we are all worried about the safety of our children, we are afraid of accidents, animal attacks, other negative fragments of life. And thus we impose our fears on children. In life it looks like this: 

• "Kill an electric shock!" - such a threat can create a fear of electricity to such an extent that the child will be afraid to turn on the light, 
• "Do not touch, bite!" - yes, dogs - creatures are unpredictable, but in this way, parents contribute to the appearance of a phobia in front of animals, 
• "Do not approach strangers!" Is very logical, but the right approach is necessary here, otherwise the child will avoid people.

Solution 2: If the child is 2 to 3 years old then he will not understand the seriousness of the danger, and exaggeration from the parents is a possible fear in the future. In this case, you just have to closely monitor the baby, and independently eliminate the likely threat. It's clear that a seven-year-old child can not be so controlled, and it does not turn out as he has his attitude to electricity, to dogs, to strangers, and to life in general. At this age, children should be spoken to as adults, so as not to form children's fears.

Situation 3: Imposing your principles. We all want our children to be perfect, but we forget that they are real people with their inner world. And the phrase "do not do this, or you will not be loved" is categorically contraindicated in the process of education. Why? We often hear about senile cynicism, about youthful maximalism, and forget about children's absolutism. Children have clear concepts about good and evil, love and hate. The child is very afraid that he will cease to love. And, if he systematically talk about dislike because of a mistake or wrong deed, then not only will he be afraid to admit to perfect deeds, so also are the complexes and fears about his interaction with the surrounding world. How then to enter?

Decision 3: with the child it is necessary to talk, as to the person, instead of "syusi-pusi" or threats. Better the phrase "do not do it, and then you will not be loved" to replace with "look like I do" or something in this spirit. For children, the most important example is parents.

But there are childish fears, which are grounded not by parental upbringing, but by a real event, for example, someone from the environment offended the child: a drunken neighbor, an insult to the peer and the like. Such events can provoke the appearance of fears that can wear a mask of fairy-tale characters, say a neighbor - an evil wolf, a dragon, Koshchei is immortal; A peer may be a vampire or somebody else. What if the child is afraid for the reason? The child should see that he will always be protected. And who will do it better, no matter how his parents? The most important thing is that children are not afraid to talk about their fears to parents. If it is difficult to identify the factor of fear, then you can talk with other parents, with caregivers (if the child is attending a kindergarten), with teachers, with a psychologist.

There are childish fears that are triggered by a real fright: an explosion of firecrackers, an attack of a dog or something else. In this situation, it is possible that fear may affect the child's speech (stuttering). Do not focus on the fright, put pressure on the child. If the parent is unable to resolve the situation on his own, then remember that in the 21st century no one canceled the psychologist.