Children's fears

Childhood fears are a fairly common phenomenon, which is considered temporary, passing with age. However, unidentified, hidden and suppressed childhood fear in adulthood can turn into neurosis and even psychosomatic problems.

Parents are often concerned about their children's anxious state of mind, especially if these are children's fears. The main problem in this situation is how to deal with fears? Many believe that you can only overcome fear on your own, namely, turn to face the fear and look it in the eyes. But have they tried to follow their own advice? It is difficult for an adult to overcome fear, so what can we say about children!? Children need help from their family, perhaps even a specialist consultation. Some parents refuse the idea of working with a psychologist, considering it a waste of time. No one is going to challenge any parental decision, especially since everyone is responsible for their child. But you can try, what is there to lose: an hour of time? There is another equally common type of people who solve such issues with the help of prayers and spells. Faith is, of course, good. But sometimes, especially when it comes to children, you need to come down from heaven and accept real help from a person with an education and experience working with children.

What causes children's fears?

• A real reason, case, situation (animal bite, fall from a slide, burn). Emotions are completely justified and require release. Parents need support, understanding, and not aggravation of the situation (if you don’t listen, you’ll fall again).
• Suggestion. The source of fears are adults who tirelessly, for educational purposes, reinforce an anxious reaction that outgrows fear. The child has not yet fallen or even run, but a caring mother warns him - if you run, you will fall and break your head. If the mother has a developed imagination, she will certainly continue her suggestion with descriptions of all sorts of consequences of a fall. These are precisely the reasons for future adult failures and neurotic reactions.
• Fantasies. A child's wild and developed imagination can lead him into the depths of fear quite quickly. In such cases, attentive parents are required to understand, support and jointly slowly study what scares the child.
• Family conflicts. The child is not yet able to differentiate and understand the reasons for quarrels. Often, he unconsciously considers himself to be the culprit of disputes between mom and dad. Anxiety is transformed into childhood fears. In these situations, the help of a family psychologist is required.
• Neurosis and borderline mental states. These cases require the help of a psychiatrist.

Children's fears associated with a feeling of loneliness: what causes them and how to eliminate them?

This type of fear is typical for children who are too attached to their parents. If they are not around, the child feels abandoned and forgotten. In addition, children are afraid of loneliness during a thunderstorm or while watching a scary movie. But, whatever the reason, the child always seeks protection from the family.

There is no point in remaking a child. It is enough to let him understand that he is needed and loved. The problem can be solved with the help of simple games.

Hide and seek. Every child loves to have fun like that. It is also useful because the child is left alone during the search and is not afraid of it.

You can build a shared house. It doesn't matter what it will be: from cardboard boxes, from blankets and pillows, or constructed at a professional level. The main thing is that it is a "fortress" where you can hide from adversity, initially with your mother, and then on your own.

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So, let's look at children's fears in more detail.

Fear is one of the types of emotional state that can be analyzed as a protective function of the subconscious in a particular situation.

"Big kids - big troubles" the same can be said about fears, over the years children receive more and more information, and the fear of the unknown grows more and more, namely:

• a seven month old baby gets scared when his mother is not around,
• Having reached the age of eight months, the child feels protected in the circle of people close to him, but strangers cause a feeling of fear,
• at 2 years old, a child already has more “adult” fears - darkness, which can manifest itself in nightmares,
• at 3 years old, children's fears may be related to animals,
• by the age of 4, a whole complex of fears may appear: "bogeymen", open water or open (closed) space, insects, and so on,
• preschoolers and younger schoolchildren may experience fear of death,
• A little later the child begins to be afraid of the unknown.

Children are naturally afraid of many things - the dark, aggressive animals, loneliness. If parents and surrounding family members know how to respond competently to the child's reaction, help him cope with emotions, childhood fears, especially early ones, really pass without a trace. If the child reacts to the most typical, safe situations and objects painfully, for a long time, this indicates internal and external, family problems - a weak nervous system of the child himself, conflicts in the family, inadequate behavior of parents and improper upbringing. As a rule, the culprit is, albeit unconsciously, the parents themselves, who frighten the child with "bogeymen" for educational purposes. It is not the best option when the mother uses the manipulative method "if you don't listen, I'll leave you" and so on. Often, even watching a movie together, which does not seem scary to adults, becomes a strong impression for a small child, which the immature child's psyche cannot cope with. For the child, childhood fears become a regulator of his reaction, and then behavior. Unlike normal fear, which relieves from a real threat (inattention - falling, hot iron - pain), intimidation for future use, without real need, forms at least uncertainty and anxiety, at least neurotic reactions up to stuttering and enuresis.

What types of children's fears are there?

Children's fears can be grouped into the following categories:

• Obsessive (intrusive) childhood fears - caused by a recurring situation, encounter with a certain subject, object. This is a fear of certain animals, heights, of a specific person.
• Delusional childhood fears that require the help of a specialist - a child psychologist, a psychiatrist. This is a serious symptom of a possible mental disorder, manifested in the fear of playing with a harmless toy, in front of a familiar item of clothing, cutlery or food, saying any word. The doctor will help differentiate the symptoms, exclude the development of mental pathology. Perhaps the child's emotion is associated with psychological trauma, which the baby is unable to react to in another way, or explain.
• Fixed, fantasy childhood fears. This is the most common type and the most favorable in terms of psychological therapy. The overvaluation of such fear is explained by the consolidation of a once-evoked emotion, when the child literally gets hung up on what he or she has experienced. This is a fear of dark rooms in which, according to the child's imagination, monsters, fairy-tale characters, and ghosts can hide. Fear of water, noise, fire, and thunderstorms also belong to such types. In short, as a rule, these are childhood fears associated with the elements, and not with specific objects or situations. Such a reaction can be considered normal as a fear of the unknown, if childhood fears do not develop into neurotic states.

Nightmares - normal or real childhood fears?

If a nightmare was dreamed once, then it is normal, because the child could have watched a cartoon with monsters. But in the case of systematic nightmares, then this is already a real problem. Most often, this problem is explained by a difficult situation in the family: divorce, disputes, fights, etc. But there are other options: -

To be eaten in a dream - in real life the child is subject to excessive criticism. In this case, the child understands that they want to re-educate him. And in adult language this sounds like recycled material obtained from spoiled material. This is exactly how the child perceives himself. There is no need to change him, he needs to be guided; -

Running away from someone in a dream indicates that someone is taking away his energy! The child's environment should also be controlled. Everyone knows that every child is different. There are children who try to humiliate another child in order to stand out from the crowd and be the best. And there are children who are morally oppressed by such behavior, and they try to run away, hide even in their sleep. You can't turn a blind eye to such things! The offender should be identified!

As additional help in combating nightmares, children's games are used and compromises are made:

• let the child depict his fear on a piece of paper. In this way, the object of the nightmare will not be so evil and scary. And if this drawing is crumpled and torn, as a symbol of the fact that bad dreams are over, it will serve as a clear relief for the child,
• "sleep with the light"! There is no need to wean the child off the light if the nightmares are caused by the dark. Due to the rich imagination, children's fears are often born in the dark. You can try to replace a regular lamp with a night light, but only if the child does not mind.

As a rule, parents themselves solve the problem of fears in their children. But if children's fears do not allow them to live normally and it is simply impossible to overcome them, then a visit to a psychologist is the right decision!

How to treat children's fears?

Children's fears are treated in many ways, the best of which is the attentive attitude of parents and their love. In addition, art therapy is very effective in combating children's fears, when the child seems to throw out emotions expressed in paints, pencils or plasticine. Sand therapy, the method of theatrical performances, fairy tale therapy are also effective. A qualified specialist will help determine the type, specify the etiology (cause) and choose a method for treating children's fears.

How to solve the problem concerning fears?

Most often, parents themselves are to blame for the existence of fears. For example, excessive care or, on the contrary, too much freedom and independent actions; strict and sometimes cruel manner of upbringing; unhealthy lifestyle (alcohol, frequent change of partners, etc.). Children - although children, but they see and understand everything. So, let's see how this can affect the formation of fears, and how to deal with it!

Situation 1 (for example): a parent scolds a child, using threats, for example, "if you don't do this, I'll send you to a boarding school." The child already understands that a boarding school is evil. That is, it reaches the child's consciousness that parents are ready to get rid of him for disobedience, especially since they will send him not to a "good fairy", but to an evil building called a "boarding school". In this situation, "boarding school" is a purely figurative expression, each parent has their own focus, some replace it with an "evil uncle", some - a "bogeyman", etc.

Solution 1: the child should be shown the positive aspects of obedience or a certain benefit. Remember yourself as a child: how did you react to prohibitions or orders from your parents? If the child is naughty and does not want, for example, to put away toys, do not scare him with "uncle" or someone else, you should explain that each thing has its place. Here you can compare with cartoons, explaining to the child that each superhero has order in his room.

Situation 2: It is clear that we are all worried about the safety of our children, we are afraid of accidents, animal attacks, other negative aspects of life. And thus we impose our fears on our children. In life it looks something like this:

• "I'll electrocute you!" - such a threat can create a fear of electricity to such an extent that the child will be afraid to turn on the light,
• "Don't touch, he'll bite!" - yes, dogs are unpredictable creatures, but in this way, parents contribute to the development of a phobia of animals,
• “Don’t go near strangers!” is very logical, but the right approach is also necessary here, otherwise the child will avoid people.

Solution 2: If the child is 2-3 years old, he will not understand the seriousness of the danger, and exaggeration on the part of parents is a possible fear in the future. In this case, you should simply watch the baby more closely and eliminate the probable threat yourself. It is clear that you cannot control a seven-year-old child like that, and it will not work out that way, since he already has his own attitude to electricity, dogs, strangers, and life in general. At this age, you need to talk to children like adults, so as not to form children's fears.

Situation 3: imposing your principles. We all want our children to be perfect, but we forget that they are real people with their own inner world. And the phrase "don't do that, otherwise you won't be loved" is absolutely contraindicated in the process of upbringing. Why? We often hear about senile cynicism, about youthful maximalism, but we forget about children's absolutism. Children have clear concepts about good and evil, love and hate. The child is very afraid that they will stop loving him. And if you systematically tell him about not being loved because of a mistake or a wrong action, then not only will he be afraid to admit to the actions he has committed, but he will also likely develop complexes and fears about his interaction with the world around him. What should you do then?

Solution 3: You need to talk to your child as a person, not as a "sissy" or as a threat. It's better to replace the phrase "don't do that, otherwise you won't be loved" with "watch what I do" or something like that. For children, the most important example is their parents.

But there are children's fears that are not based on parental upbringing, but on a real event, for example, someone from the environment offended the child: a drunk neighbor, an insult from a peer, and the like. Such events can provoke the emergence of fears that can wear the mask of fairy-tale characters, for example, a neighbor is an evil wolf, a dragon, Koschei the Deathless; a peer can be a vampire or someone else. What if the child is afraid for this very reason? The child must see that he will always be protected. And who will do this better than his parents? The most important thing is that children are not afraid to tell their parents about their fears. If it is difficult to identify the fear factor, then you can talk to other parents, with educators (if the child attends kindergarten), with teachers, with a psychologist.

There are childhood fears that are provoked by a real fright: a firecracker exploding, a dog attack, or something else. In this situation, it is possible that fear can also affect the child's speech (stuttering). Do not focus on the fear, put pressure on the child. If the parent is unable to resolve the situation on their own, then remember that in the 21st century, no one has canceled a psychologist.