The child is constantly crying: why not throw it alone?
Last reviewed: 23.04.2024
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Scientists-psychologists have two versions of the relation to children's crying. When a child cries, some doctors believe that you need to "give him a cry," others - that the child can not be left alone with his crying for more than 10 minutes. If a child often cries, you must always respond to his call. Why?
Why can not you leave a child crying alone?
To give children "crying" when they are alone, this is a bad idea, which fixes the child's understanding of his own helplessness and affects his entire future life. This is due to a lack of understanding of the child's physiology and how his brain develops.
Children grow worse and develop when adults do not react to their crying. Their body is in a state of so-called disregulation, when they physically suffer and when their father and mother are not with them.
Crying is the child's need to express their needs until he can speak. Just as adults are drawn to the liquid, when you want to drink, the children are also in search of what they need at the moment. Just as adults become calm, having satisfied their need for something, the child also calms down when he receives what he needed.
The child's sense of security is associated with the responsive upbringing of adults. Therefore, when children wake up and cry at night, it is necessary to rise and calm the child, giving him this sense of security.
Changes in the child's body during crying
Neurons of the brain of a crying child die. When a child is very upset, the hormone cortisol is released in excess in his body. This is the killer of neurons. The fact is that in a full-term baby (40-42 weeks), only 25% of the brain is developed, in the first months of life its brain develops very quickly. The brain of a newborn grows on average three times faster by the end of the first year than in the period from 1 to 2 years. And during intense stress, which is the crying of a newborn, cortisol is actively released and it destroys the cells of the brain. Therefore, you can not leave the child alone in crying, no matter how tired you are. This threatens to delay development - both physical and emotional.
Disordered reactive stress can be associated with a whole system of stressful reaction of the whole organism. The stress hormone and the destruction of the infant psyche can affect other body systems through the vagus nerve, which affects the functioning of several systems (eg, digestion).
For example, prolonged crying without any recall of parents in the early period of life gives a poor functioning of the vagus nerve. As a result, this leads to disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome. This is confirmed by studies conducted by scientists at Harvard University. As a conclusion, the basics of good health and strong psyche of the child are built in early childhood).
Violation of self-regulation
A child, especially a newborn, is completely dependent on the parents - then his body systems can self-regulate. Responsive care - the satisfaction of the child's needs, before he long and inconsolably cries - sets the body and mind to calm. Then the body does not spend time fighting the stress, but is engaged in normal development. When the child is frightened and his mother comforts him, the child calms down and he becomes convinced that in trouble and any needs he will always be helped. This belief is integrated into the ability to feel comfort. Children can not feel it in isolation. If a child is left to cry alone, he loses a sense of safety and comfort and may even stop in development.
Undermining trust
As the well-known psychologist Erik Erikson wrote, the first year of life is a period for establishing a sense of trust in the world around and in the world of the individual. When the child's needs are met without distress, the child realizes that the world is a safe place, that the relationship with it can be maintained, and that the child's needs in this world will always be met.
When a child's needs are ignored, he develops a feeling of distrust towards relationships with adults and the world in general. And self-confidence in the future years of his life will be very low. A child can spend his entire life to fill the inner void.
The crying of a child is his natural need, the opportunity to say that he is concerned. If a child often cries, adults should think about how to respond to this crying correctly. And if the reaction is care and attention, very soon your child will feel more confident and happy.