The baby cries all the time: why can't you leave him alone?

Psychologists have two versions of their attitude to children's crying. When a child cries, some doctors believe that you need to "let him cry it out", others - that a child should not be left alone with his crying for more than 10 minutes. If a child cries often, you must definitely respond to his call. Why?

Why can't you leave a child alone to cry?

Letting children "cry it out" when they are alone is a bad idea that reinforces the child's sense of helplessness and affects the rest of their life. This comes from a lack of understanding of child physiology and how their brain develops.

Children grow and develop worse when adults do not respond to their cries. Their bodies are in a state of so-called dysregulation when they suffer physically and when their mom and dad are not with them.

Crying is a baby's need to express his needs before he can speak. Just as adults reach for liquid when they are thirsty, children are also looking for what they need at the moment. Just as adults become calm when they satisfy their need for something, a child also becomes calm when he gets what he needed.

A child's sense of security is linked to responsive parenting. So when children wake up and cry at night, it is imperative to get up and calm the child down, giving him or her that sense of security.

Changes in the baby's body during crying

The neurons of a crying baby's brain die. When a child is very upset, the hormone cortisol is secreted in excess in his body. This is the killer of neurons. The fact is that a full-term baby (40-42 weeks) has only 25% of the brain developed, in the first months of life his brain develops very quickly. The brain of a newborn grows on average three times faster by the end of the first year than in the period from 1 to 2 years. And during severe stress, which is the crying of a newborn, cortisol is actively secreted and destroys brain cells. Therefore, you cannot leave your child alone while crying, no matter how tired you are. This threatens a delay in development - both physical and emotional.

Disordered reactive stress may be related to the entire body's stress response system. The hormone of stress and destruction of the infant's psyche may affect other body systems through the vagus nerve, which affects the functioning of several systems (e.g., digestion).

For example, prolonged crying without any response from parents in the early period of life leads to poor functioning of the vagus nerve. As a result, this leads to such disorders as irritable bowel syndrome. This is confirmed by studies conducted by scientists at Harvard University. As a conclusion, the foundations of good health and a strong psyche of a child are built in early childhood).

Violation of self-regulation

A child, especially a newborn, is completely dependent on its parents – then its body systems can self-regulate. Responsive care – meeting the child’s needs before it cries long and inconsolably – sets the body and brain to calm. Then the body does not waste time fighting stress, but is engaged in normal development. When a child is frightened and the mother consoles it, the child calms down and the belief is reinforced in it that in trouble and any need it will always be helped. This belief is integrated into the ability to feel comfort. Children cannot feel it in isolation. If a child is left to cry alone, it loses the feeling of security and comfort and may even stop developing.

Breach of trust

As the famous psychologist Erik Erikson wrote, the first year of life is a period for establishing a sense of trust in the surrounding world and the world of the individual. When a child's needs are met without distress, the child realizes that the world is a safe place, that relationships with it can be maintained, and that the child's needs in this world will always be met.

When a child's needs are ignored, he develops a sense of mistrust in relationships with adults and the world in general. And his self-confidence in later years of life will be very low. The child may spend his whole life trying to fill the inner emptiness.

A child's crying is his natural need, an opportunity to express what is bothering him. If a child cries often, adults should think about how to respond to this crying correctly. And if the reaction is care and attention, very soon your child will feel more confident and happy.