The birth of a second child: the best age difference for children

The birth of a second child, compared to the first, is not so scary. The mother has experience in caring for a child, she already knows what childbirth is, and the older child, if he has grown up, will be able to help. But many parents who are planning a pregnancy ask themselves: what is the optimal age difference between children? Is it one or two years or is it 8-10 years?

Read also: Birth of a third child, payments for a third child

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A year, a year and a half, two years

Such children are called twins. Before the first child has even grown up, the mother is already expecting the second. This difference has its pros and cons.

Pros

The small age difference between the children allows them to be treated almost like twins, without specifying older and younger. They are still too young to understand their seniority.

While children are growing, almost all their games and their development take place together. Between such pregnancies – the first and the second – there is usually no return to work, the mother does not have to abandon the older child, leaving the maternity leave – it continues immediately, because the younger one was born. In addition, the mother can receive payment during pregnancy and childbirth and assistance after the birth of the child with a short break, which will allow her to save a good amount.

In Ukraine, since January 2012, a mother receives 30 subsistence minimums for her first child until the child turns 6 years old. Assistance for a second child is twice as much. A one-time assistance for a mother for her first child will be 8930 UAH, and for the second - the same. But the amount of payments for the second child is more than for the first - it is 53580 UAH.

Cons

Children born close in age require a lot of attention and energy. After all, the mother will have to look after two children of approximately the same age. Both of them are small, both require motherly affection, love and lack of sleep at night. Physically, this is very difficult. Especially since not much time has passed since the first birth, and the mother may be exhausted.

It's good if dad and grandmas are actively involved in raising children and help mom. Then mom's burden is not so heavy.

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The age difference between the babies is 3-4 years

This is a good difference between children. It is considered by physiologists and psychologists to be the golden mean.

Pros

Not much time passes after childbirth, so the mother's body has time to recover and prepare for the next birth. In addition, the mother gains very good experience in caring for a child. She does not have time to forget what diapers and undershirts are, and at the same time, the older baby is already growing up enough for the mother to devote more time to the younger one - after all, she will again have to stay up at night, breastfeed the child, and watch her diet.

The age difference between the children is not so big that the older child will feel jealous and realize that his beloved mother is being taken away from him. When the children grow up a little, they can play with the same toys, they will have common interests, they will also study at school with a small age difference, and the older one can help the younger one with his homework. Due to the small age difference, the children will understand each other better. In addition, the development of the younger one can be accelerated, because he will see how the older one learns to talk and walk, how he will go to school for the first time. The daily routine of such children can also be adjusted: getting up and going to bed can be at the same time.

Cons

If the older child was spoiled and doted on like the firstborn, parents may face a persistent rejection of another baby in the family. The younger child at 3-4 years old experiences the same crisis that teenagers experience. At this time, his personality is actively formed, and the child can be stubborn, capricious, often get sick so that the parents pay attention only to him. Therefore, the older child needs to be given as much affection and attention as possible so that he feels protected.

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The age difference between children is 4-8 years

This is also a very good age for having a second child. Psychologists call it the optimal age not only for both children, but for the whole family.

Pros

While the second child is being born, mom and dad have time to give maximum attention and love to the older child, devoting all their time to him. Therefore, the older child should not feel deprived of the attention of the parents, unless he is jealous. In addition, a child at the age of 5 is in the preparatory group of the kindergarten during the day, so the mother does not have to be torn between the younger and the older one during the day, and in the evening she can pay attention to both. And a child from the age of 6-7 already attends school, so the mother has free time during the day for the younger child. And also a child from the age of 5-6 will already be able to help around the house and in raising a younger brother or sister.

Cons

A child at this age may be jealous of mom and dad, so he needs to be given maximum attention. Regardless of whether mom is tired or not, whether she wants to sleep or not, it is advisable to follow the habits of the older child. For example, putting to bed, reading favorite books at night, walking and going to the circus.

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The age difference between children is 10-15 years

This is a very big difference. As a rule, such a difference arises either because of the parents' illness, when doctors did not allow them to have children, or because of a second marriage, or because of an unplanned pregnancy. Whatever the case, a big difference between the first and second child has its pros and cons.

Pros

The older child can quite consciously be a nanny to the first one, help mom around the house. This is already a fully formed personality, who needs to be explained that he will have a brother or sister, and prepared for their birth, so that the child does not have stress.

The second child is more vulnerable and too small, against his background the older one can feel more responsible and independent. If the difference between the children is too big, then the older one can become a friend and mentor to the younger one - children can share such secrets that you can’t tell your parents.

Cons

The child, regardless of age, may feel that all attention has now switched to the younger one. If he now receives almost no parental attention, he may become angry and depressed.

No matter what age the mother gave birth to and no matter what the difference between the children, the second child should receive maximum parental love and warmth – he is still a child after all. The birth of a second child should unite the family even more, and not separate it.