How to deal with the aggression of a preschooler?

A smart, kind and attractive child can become aggressive, crying and hysterical. And this state becomes his second "I". Or it is different: the child behaves perfectly, tries to obey all adults, but suddenly an outbreak of unexpected aggression puts parents at a dead end. How to deal with the aggression of a preschooler?

Causes of violations in the development of the child

These disorders psychologists divide into two large groups. Incorrect upbringing and abnormalities in the work of the nervous system. Sometimes, both do not allow the child to develop rapidly and make progress in school. Most often adults who have noticed suspicious, in their opinion, deviations in the behavior of their baby, try to "correct" them by their methods: aggression, screaming, all sorts of restrictions. And they make a huge, sometimes irreparable mistake, than only aggravate the situation: the child becomes more and more closed, aggressive (in response to aggression towards him) or, conversely, to the oppressed, who does not believe the driven animal.

But for adults it is very important to know the characteristics of the child's nervous system, which corresponds to his sex and age. Armed with this knowledge, parents will certainly make fewer mistakes in the upbringing of the preschool child and the attitude toward him. In some cases, the parents will not work enough: the behavior and health of the child may require the help of a specialist, a qualified psychologist or neurologist. The success of their help depends on how quickly adults start working with the child and pay attention to him. Here are the main features of the behavior of children before school.

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Why do preschoolers show aggression?

Young children are very aggressive. They often bring adults to tears, but not out of malice, but because the child's nervous system is very fragile and has not yet formed. What a grown-up looks like usual business and what he forgets in a minute, a small child experiences very painfully. His reaction to this pain can be aggressive behavior.

The reasons for the aggression of a preschooler may be as follows. It's fear and resentment. Imagine how this little man feels defenseless towards omnipotent adults. The child is constantly afraid that he will be offended, punished, deprived of something, insulted, and he can not do anything in response, because he is still very weak. Fear breeds aggression. The stronger the aggression, the stronger the fear of the preschooler.

As for the insult, for the child this is the real reason to be aggressive. It can be an insult due to punishment, inattentive attitude, ignoring. For example, a child may feel that the older brother is loved more than him. Or that my mother does not pay much attention to him. And then the child avenges, showing aggression.

What is the aggression of a small preschooler?

It can be physical aggression or psychological, verbal. To show physical aggression the child can in relation to adults (to bite them, to scratch, beat) or to extraneous things. For example, a child tears and crumples books, father's things, throws Mom's jewelry. Sometimes the physical aggression of a child of preschool age is manifested as pyromania - the child burns something without any purpose, just to look at the beautiful flame. These are signs of hidden or overt neuroticism.

When a child's physical aggression to adults coincides with aggression toward things, he can throw things and his own toys into adults.

And the aggression of the preschooler is manifested as a verbal one. Then they insult adults, shout at them, tease them. It is the desire to feel strong and be able to work on adults through pressure. A child can use curses without even realizing what they mean.

Intuitively, the child feels that these words are bad, that they will upset the father and mother, but still uses them to annoy adults. Or curses can be an opportunity to manifest their emotions: falling and hurt themselves, we swear. And children copy the behavior of adults, like little monkeys.

How to deal with the physical aggression of a child?

Adults often do not know what to do with a child who manifests aggression. They can spank him in response or yell. But these methods of education can not only not help, but even aggravate the situation. It is best to show the child to a psychologist in order to understand how to act.

If the psychologist believes that there are no unhealthy deviations in the behavior of a small preschooler, then one must always tell the child that you are unhappy with his behavior and that he is behaving incorrectly. This tactic of the behavior of the pope and mother will eventually bear fruit, and the child will gradually cease to fear, and therefore, display aggression. In how you behave with the child, there must be at least three principles: constancy, regularity and justice to it. If you have chosen a certain line of behavior, follow it so that the child gradually gets used to what is right and wrong on his part.

In the manifestation of reaction to the aggressiveness of the preschooler, one can follow the technique of contrast. That is, to the child who allowed himself an aggressive trick, you need to show condemnation, and his victim surround with attention and care. The child clearly see that his aggressive behavior brings him only harm, and the object of aggression - the benefit.

If the child directs aggression on things, you need to get him to clean up the results of the rout and in any case not to clean up their dad or mom. This will be a useful practice for the preschooler. However, in most cases you will not achieve the consent of the child to clean in the room: he will be even more capricious and refuse to cooperate. It is very important to justify why an adult wants a child to clean up after himself. "You are an intelligent and strong boy (intelligent and strong girl), so you can answer for your actions and remove what you yourself have done." This is a manifestation of confidence in the child.

If parents use the child's labor as punishment for his misdeeds, this will make him more angry and cause a feeling of discontent and injustice of how he is treated. For what the child will remove, you need to encourage him with kind words. At a minimum, say thanks for the fact that the son or daughter is so responsible.

How to resist the verbal aggression of a preschooler?

Parents can not foresee in advance when the preschooler wants to show verbal aggression. Therefore, they must act on the fact: when the preschooler shouted at someone, called someone, fell into hysterics. This reaction of adults can be different. You can ignore the insulting phrases of the child, but show that it is unpleasant to communicate with him - such a mini-boycott.

But the most important thing is to understand why a child in this form communicates with you. Perhaps, behind his emotions there is a real insult and a real offense on the part of adults. And the child just does not know how to express their hurt, except by cursing and shouting. Or maybe the child wants for something to offend the adult himself, manipulate him, show his superiority, show contempt.

When an adult reacts to the aggressive attitude of a preschooler, it is important to understand that the fear of the father or mother in front of the child will only spur him, make him appear even more rigid next time. Therefore, the response of adults to the aggression of the preschooler should be a reaction, showing the child that in this way he will not achieve his goal. Therefore, the adult should make it clear to the child that there are other methods of manifesting his reaction to resentment, anger or fear.

How to deal with the aggression of a preschooler? Parents can answer this question with the help of a psychologist. But the main features that adults should show in this situation are patience and firmness.