What if the child has no friends?

You never heard your child complain: "Nobody loves me!" Or "They do not let me play with them!" Do you know how painful it is for a child to feel lonely? What if the child has no friends "How can I help him find them?"

Openness

Each friendship begins with a sign that two people want to become friends. So, to find a friend, you need to show the other child that your child is interested in them, and express an openness to friendship with him. Preschoolers are simpler: they are naive and spontaneous, and sometimes they ask directly: "Do you want to be my friend?" But older children can not always show their interest directly.

Greeting

A very simple way to find friends is to show them your openness. Shy children often have problems with this. When the other child says: "Hi!", Shy children turn their backs on or do not say anything, or just mutter something in response. This is because they feel uncomfortable, but other children read it like a message: "I do not like you and I do not want to have anything to do with you!" It's not how shy kids feel, but this is how they communicate. With such communication it is very difficult to find friends, and the child remains one.

You can help your child learn to be open at least in a greeting. It's good to do it with the help of role-playing games, when the child in practice loses the line of his behavior and behavior of other children. Explain to your child that a friendly greeting includes eye contact, a warm smile. You also need to speak loudly enough that the other child will hear it. The name of another person, pronounced after "hello!", Makes the greeting more personal.

Compliments

Compliments are another simple way that shows the child's readiness for friendship. He feels good when he says sincere compliments, and we usually like people who have such good taste to appreciate our qualities!

Brainstorming with your child will help you find some good ways to praise your classmates. Let his compliments first be rather simple: "Your sweater is just excellent!" or "Cool goal" - your child can tell another schoolboy who plays basketball well. "I like how you painted the sky" - so you can say about the work of a classmate. This will give the child new opportunities for friendship.

Kindness

Even a small manifestation of kindness can be a way of expressing a desire to make friends. This may mean that your child will share a pencil with a classmate, will help carry the portfolio to a classmate. Kindness, as a rule, causes reciprocal kindness, and this is one of the best ways to start a friendship.

Studies show that children sometimes try to buy friends by giving them money or things. This certainly does not work. Other children may take these gifts, but they will not reciprocate, and may even lose respect for your child. Going for friendship with gifts, you can not meet what was expected.

And one more important advice that you need to give the child. Kindness is not a manipulation of a friend and not a deliberate influence on it. Sometimes young children get carried away and insist that a new friend play only with him. If another child has completely different goals, he will soon get tired of such friendship. Maybe it will be necessary to help the child find a less intrusive way to express his sympathy.

Does your friend look like you?

Just because two children live in the same area or study in the same class does not mean that they will become friends. One of the most striking results that scientists have discovered while exploring the characteristics of the friendship of children is that children are friends with those who are considered similar to themselves. Children can easily make friends with children of the same age, gender and ethnicity as they are. Children can also be friends in terms of interests, social skills, popularity in the team and achievements in school.

Thus, one of the important components of friendship is the formation of similarity. This term needs to be clarified. The similarity attracts, because it is liked by children on a practical and emotional level. On a practical level, it's very convenient to have a friend who does the same as you do. For example, he likes solving math problems or playing chess. On the emotional level, the similarity of a friend gives a feeling of comfort and trust.

Ask the child: "How can you understand that you have something in common with that boy (girl)?" The answers are observations of the child, which will help him to understand with whom he would like to be friends.

Finding a common language with others does not at all mean that your child should be a clone of all other children. But this does not mean that the child will never be able to make friends with someone who has completely different interests. It simply means that friendship begins with some kind of similar character traits or hobbies.

The strategy of attracting attention

Once the schoolgirl shared her strategy on how to find friends. "Just go into yourself and look very, very sad. And then the children themselves will do. " Well, such a strategy can attract the attention of other girls and boys, but only once or twice, but this is hardly a good way to friendship. This schoolgirl simply did not understand that children usually want to be near children who live happily and happily.

Common fun

Another component of friendship is participation in general fun. This is confirmed by the classic study of the psychologist John Gottman, who analyzed the emergence of friendship between unfamiliar children. Eighteen children between the ages of three and nine gathered for a game in one of the houses for three days. The researchers found that the main sign that the children "got along" was how much they were able to support the overall game.

This is more difficult than it might seem at first glance. To enjoy the communication with peers, the child should behave in such a way that another child also played with him, could report on his likes and dislikes and resolve any differences or avoid them. Of course. There are many options. When the game does not go as it should: children can take offense with each other or do not put up with each other, snatch toys from other children, command other children around, hit another child ... All this interferes with the overall fun. But it is the ability to resolve these situations that makes the friendship of children successful.

Inviting children to play with themselves

Once your child has made the first progress in communicating with peers, either at school or out of school, the best thing you can do to strengthen this friendship is to help the child invite other children to play with him. Before taking guests, you need to talk with your child about how to show yourself as a good host. Good hosts try to entertain guests and give them maximum attention, and try not to argue with guests. They also play with the guest, and do not throw him alone. If your child has toys that are too valuable, you are afraid of damaging them, put them in another room before the guests arrive.

At the beginning of the game, there may be uncomfortable moments when one child asks: "So ... What do you want to do?" And the other child says, "I do not know. And what do you want? "Try to prevent this situation by helping the child to plan the action in advance. Your child can plan at least two versions of the game before the arrival of guests.

Or the child can tell in advance to the friends (friend) for what he invites them to itself. For example, your child may ask another child to come and bake cookies, ride bicycles, play basketball, bowling, or go to the movies together. If for both it's fun and enjoyable, another child will associate your child with fun that makes friendship stronger and more interesting.