How to deal with preschooler aggression?

A smart, kind and attractive child can suddenly become aggressive, whiny and hysterical. And this state becomes his second "I". Or it happens differently: the child behaves perfectly, tries to obey adults in everything, but suddenly an outburst of unexpected aggression puts parents in a dead end. How to deal with aggression in a preschooler?

Causes of developmental disorders in children

Psychologists divide these disorders into two large groups. Incorrect upbringing and deviations in the functioning of the nervous system. Sometimes both prevent a child from developing rapidly and making progress in his studies. Most often, adults who notice suspicious, in their opinion, deviations in the behavior of their child, try to "correct" them with their own methods: aggression, shouting, all sorts of restrictions. And they make a huge, sometimes irreparable mistake, which only worsens the situation: the child becomes more and more withdrawn, aggressive (in response to aggression towards him) or, on the contrary, oppressed, a hunted animal who does not trust anyone.

But it is very important for adults to know the characteristics of the child's nervous system, which corresponds to his gender and age. Armed with this knowledge, parents will certainly make fewer mistakes in raising a preschooler and in their attitude towards him. In some cases, the parents' work will not be enough: the child's behavior and health may require the help of a specialist, a qualified psychologist or neurologist. The success of their help depends on how quickly adults begin to work with the child and pay attention to him. Here are the main characteristics of children's behavior before school.

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Why do preschoolers show aggression?

Small children can be very aggressive. They often make adults cry, but not out of malice, but because the child's nervous system is very fragile and has not yet formed. What seems normal to an adult and which he forgets about in a minute, a small child experiences very painfully. His reaction to this pain can be aggressive behavior.

The reasons for a preschooler's aggression may be the following. This is fear and resentment. Imagine how defenseless this little person feels in relation to all-powerful adults. The child is constantly afraid that he will be offended, punished, deprived of something, insulted, and he will not be able to do anything in response, because he is still very weak. Fear gives rise to aggression. The stronger the aggression, the stronger the preschooler's fear.

As for resentment, for a child this is a real reason to show aggression. This may be resentment due to punishment, inattention, ignoring. For example, a child may think that an older brother is loved more than him. Or that his mother does not pay attention to him at all. And then the child takes revenge by showing aggression.

What types of aggression does a small preschooler exhibit?

This can be physical aggression or psychological, verbal. A child can show physical aggression towards adults (bite them, scratch, beat) or towards other people's things. For example, a child tears and crumples books, dad's things, throws mom's jewelry. Sometimes physical aggression of a preschool child manifests itself as pyromania - the child sets fire to something without any purpose, just to look at the beautiful flame. These are signs of latent or obvious neuroticism.

When a child's physical aggression towards adults coincides with aggression towards things, he may throw things and his own toys at adults.

Preschoolers' aggression also manifests itself as verbal. Then they insult adults, shout at them, tease them. This is a desire to feel strong and to be able to influence adults by putting pressure on them. A child can use curse words without even understanding what they mean.

Intuitively, the child feels that these words are bad, that they will upset mom and dad, but still uses them to annoy adults. Or swearing can be an opportunity to express one's emotions: having fallen and hurt ourselves, we swear. And children copy the behavior of adults, like little monkeys.

How to deal with physical aggression in a child?

Adults often don't know what to do with a child who is aggressive. They can spank him or yell at him. But these methods of education may not only fail to help, but may even make the situation worse. It is best to show the child to a psychologist to understand what to do.

If the psychologist believes that there are no unhealthy deviations in the behavior of a small preschooler, then it is necessary to make it clear to the child every time that you are unhappy with his behavior and that he is behaving incorrectly. Such tactics of behavior of the father and mother will ultimately bear fruit, and the child will gradually stop being afraid, and therefore, showing aggression. There should be at least three principles in how you behave with the child: consistency, regularity and fairness to him. If you have chosen a certain line of behavior, follow it so that the child gradually gets used to what is right on his part and what is not.

In the manifestation of the reaction to the aggressiveness of a preschooler, you can follow the contrast technique. That is, you need to condemn the child who allowed himself to act aggressively, and surround his victim with attention and care. The child will clearly see that his aggressive behavior only brings him harm, and benefits the object of aggression.

If a child directs aggression at things, you need to make him clean up the results of the destruction and under no circumstances let his mom or dad clean them up. This will be a useful practice for a preschooler. However, in most cases you will not get the child to agree to clean up the room: he will be even more capricious and refuse to cooperate. Here it is very important to justify why the adult wants the child to clean up after himself. "You are a smart and strong boy (smart and strong girl), so you will be able to answer for your actions and clean up what you have done yourself." This is a manifestation of trust in the child.

If parents use their child's work as a punishment for their misdeeds, it will only make them even angrier and cause a feeling of discontent and injustice in how they are treated. For cleaning up, you need to reward your child with kind words. At the very least, say thank you for being so responsible.

How to resist verbal aggression in a preschooler?

Parents cannot predict in advance when a preschooler will want to show verbal aggression. Therefore, they must act after the fact: when a preschooler yelled at someone, called someone names, or became hysterical. This reaction of adults can be different. You can ignore the child's offensive phrases, but show that it is unpleasant to communicate with him - a kind of mini-boycott.

But the most important thing is to understand why the child communicates with you in this way. Perhaps, behind his emotions there is a real offense and a real offense on the part of adults. And the child simply does not know how to express his offense except by cursing and shouting. Or maybe the child wants to offend the adult himself for something, manipulate him, show his superiority, show a contemptuous attitude.

When an adult reacts to a preschooler's aggressive attitude, it is important to understand that the father's or mother's fear of the child will only spur him or her on, forcing them to act even more harshly next time. Therefore, the adults' response to a preschooler's aggression should be a reaction that shows the child that he or she will not achieve his or her goal in this way. Therefore, an adult should make the child understand that there are other methods of expressing one's reaction to insults, anger, or fear.

How to deal with aggression in a preschooler? Parents can answer this question with the help of a psychologist. But the main traits that adults should show in this situation are patience and firmness.