20 top tips for expectant fathers (from those who have been fathers)

1. Be a part of the pregnancy from the start. This will help you feel involved in what is happening and will let the woman know that her husband takes the pregnancy seriously and wants to help her.
2. Learn about pregnancy and childbirth. Read this book and our other books, attend prenatal consultations and childbirth classes. This will help you gain a better understanding of what is happening, and you will be able to be more supportive of your wife. If a man is informed, he will be able to ask questions or express his concerns more easily.
3. Be a good listener. A man should give his wife his undivided attention and listen to her when she speaks. Sometimes she just wants to discuss a situation or problem. Other times, she needs to vent her feelings. Sometimes, she needs a man to calm her down. Give her that!
4. A woman should be made aware of how she can help a man! He also needs admiration, support and help. It is important to let her know this.
5. Ask questions and get answers. If one of the spouses is worried about something, do not let it pressure them. Find out what they want to know. If the doctor or team of doctors does not give a satisfactory answer to the question, you should ask until it becomes clear. Read our other knm and pregnancy, articles in magazines and other information.
6. You shouldn't tell your spouse to stop worrying or try to stop her from expressing her feelings. Both are common during pregnancy. Instead, listen and support.
7. You should be tolerant of the woman: during this period, she is going through many changes. A man's patience and understanding is a good way to help her cope with the changes she is going through.
8. A woman should be asked to be patient with a man - this is a new experience that can create situations unfamiliar to him. A man will appreciate her patience when he encounters new situations.
9. A woman should be told that her body is beautiful during pregnancy. She has new curves and softness that a man may not have noticed before. Her changing body reflects the changes inside. Don't tell her she's gotten bigger or joke about her gaining weight.
10. J. If a man has any signs of pregnancy, called couvade (see p. 86), do not be alarmed. This is not a very unusual phenomenon. A man should let his wife know what is happening, then they will be able to empathize with each other.
11. It is necessary to try to reduce the amount of stress in life to a minimum. Spouses can do anti-stress exercises together. This will help the man too.
12. You should try to keep the romance alive. Spouses can go to lunch or dinner together, take leisurely walks in the evenings, go to the cinema or the theatre. You can do this until your child is born.
13. If necessary, a man needs to change his lifestyle to support his wife. He should quit smoking, exercise, and eat right. Working on this together will help both spouses lead a healthy lifestyle.
14. A man should not be involved in new projects, additional responsibilities, a new position, or participation in anything that will require his long absence. A man should be as available to his wife as possible to share the pregnancy experience.
15. A man should reassure his wife when she needs it. She may be worried that something she did before she was pregnant may harm the baby. She may feel that she is not doing enough to ensure the baby’s health. She may be worried that she will not be a good mother. These are normal concerns, so don’t make fun of her worries. She should be sympathetic and reassured that he is there to listen, understand, and help.
16. If a man needs comfort, he should tell his wife. A man may be nervous about what is happening. If he is honest about his fears and doubts, the couple will work together to find a solution and both will feel better.
17. After the baby is born, a man should try to take some time off. A man can help his wife with the baby while she recovers from the birth, or he can even decide to stay home with the baby after the mother returns to work.
18. It is worth reading up on fatherhood, reading books, watching videos, and discussing it with other fathers. Although women are often more involved in caring for their children, there is no reason why men cannot share some of the parenting responsibilities after the baby is born.
19. Don't try to be perfect. Pregnancy is a new experience for a man, so he should allow himself to learn as he goes. He may make mistakes, but everyone does.
20. Spouses should enjoy this pregnancy together. Once the baby is born, it will have many demands on the parents' time and attention. Spouses should use pregnancy as a time given to them to become closer.

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