Over a lifetime, 90% of men and 75% of women change their partner
Last reviewed: 16.10.2021
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"About 75% of Swiss people have a permanent partner, most of them would like to get everything in this relationship: emotional attachment, stability and sexual satisfaction." According to the family psychotherapist Klaus Heer, love is monogamous and the person is not.In the surveys, 36% of women and 44% men indicate that they had sex outside regular relationships, "writes Swiss journalist Michelle Binswanger. Some experts say that 90% of men and 75% of women "go to the left" for life. Infidelity is one of the main reasons for the mass disintegration of marriages in Western industrial countries
However, the crucial question is not why we can not remain faithful, but why the ideal of our relations is based on lies. The lies that we will always be true to each other.
In love, we take ourselves for the noble protagonists of Romeo and Juliet. But in regard to human sexuality, the truth corresponds more to the "Planet of the Apes". Despite the romantic mentality, our biological species is obsessed with sex. Every day in the world, billions of money are invested in the sex industry every day. Pornography and prostitution, portals for finding partners for life and for one night, pharmacies and family therapists make money to alleviate the symptoms of our illness, but do not get to its cause. A modern PR manager who orders a vegan lunch before going to the pedicure is much closer to his hairy ancestors than he would like to think. It is for this reason that our culturally conditioned models so regularly lead to collapse.
"I have seen many times that relations are breaking up because partners are unjustifiably expecting loyalty from each other and I ask myself: maybe marriages break up not because of infidelity, but because of unrealistic expectations that sex will only occur in marriage? " - the author writes. "Why do we consider it more normal to rush from one short monogamous connection to another than to orient ourselves on extramarital sexual contacts?" Why is the scheme known as "serial monogamy" more fitting than the farewell to the dogma of monogamy? " "Darwin defined the standard model of human sexuality, evolved in the course of evolution, as follows: a man is genetically predisposed to disperse his numerous seeds as far as possible, while the woman carefully protects the precious organs of reproduction and eventually allows the male to come to him , which seems to her suitable for the upbringing of children.The man must abandon infidelity so as not to waste energy on other people's children, and the woman wants to ensure that the man does not share his resources with other women, "- says Binswanger. However, according to her, the evolutionary psychologists Christopher Ryan and Kasilda Jet in the book "Sex at Dawn" say that the corresponding schemes indicate a cultural adaptation to the social conditions of patriarchal societies.
The proof shows that the ancestors of modern man copulated with other hominids. It even reflected on our genome, containing up to 4% of the DNA of Neanderthals. From this it follows that such connections led to the appearance of children who were brought up and accepted into prehistoric communities. If our genetic program really did work as described above, then homoseid homies would hardly have a chance of survival.
The author, citing Ryan and Jetu, says that the situation has changed with the emergence of a pale. "There were concepts of property, wealth and inheritance.To ensure that the fruits of hard work will be used only by their biological children, men had to take care that their wives did not support sexual contacts with anyone else," - the author writes. "With Christianity, a hard corset of morality has been added, which completely fetters female sexuality."
"The fact that women are always more careful to choose partners than men, because for them there was always a risk of pregnancy, says nothing about their sexuality, and the invention of contraceptive pills and emancipation revolutionized the sexual behavior of women," the author writes. According to sexologist Ulrich Klement, the differences in sexual behavior between the sexes have practically reduced to zero.
Our long-term and close partnership desire, ultimately, is a desire to find a family and a home environment. Normal human desire. Perhaps, it would be worth acknowledging that sexuality is also in some way native to us, and that we have the right to live in accordance with it.